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The thought of revenge


I've never been thin. I'm back on a diet. I imagine I might lose the weight. And I wonder if that will turn me into an asshole.At any given moment, and while I try to imagine I'm a nice guy, there are times when I think I'm really just a few steps away from being an asshole. Take the weight thing.

I've never been thin (or in shape). I was a fat baby, a heavy kid. My nickname – given to me by my Mom, of all people – was "Sausage", because of the cute way my clothes fit like a tight little sausage skin. Nice.

I've remarked before that I don't know what life would be like as a thin person, which makes weight loss hard. I can imagine, though, if I lost the weight, several things would probably happen. My confidence would go up. I'd maybe have women more interested in me, eyeballing me, and maybe I'd start noticing the attention. When I spoke to women, their first reaction wouldn't be – aw, what a cute little Teddy Bear coming over to talk to me. Their first reaction might be, instead: Rawr. Who's the hot guy?

I feel bad for the first couple of women I date, because I can imagine I'm going to go through a period of revenge sex. Trying to pick up all the women who would never give me a second glance before, and then saying "oh, I just wanna be friends". Or banging them first and then saying it afterwards.

I don't doubt for a second this will happen. I've known friends who lost weight and went into things to show off, like burlesque. I plan on doing the same. Woo, lookit my body! Lookit lookit lookit! I imagine it's a natural part of getting used to the new you.

The trick is – once the adjustment period is over, do you go back to being a nice person or does the power corrupt you and turn you into an asshole?

I'm a little scared to find out.